Against better judgment, or in spite of it, I decided to take a short run today.
I found some old long johns in the bottom of my dresser. Put on an old fleece I keep behind the seat of my truck, and headed out.
It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the air was clear. One thing I don't like about Louisiana is the air seems graying and clingy. Not today. I stopped mid run to admire some egrets fishing by the water breaks between the small pond on the golf course and the larger university lake, itself a catch basin for all the residential houses nearby. One egret kept fluffy his feathers, trying to frighten off the others from his fishing spot. As I watched he speared a tiny little perch and swallowed it whole, looking around to see who noticed.
I continued my run with the sun to my right shoulder.
Heading up the lone "hill" on my run I was crossed by a young university student, her pony tail bopping back and forth. I tried in vain to keep her pace but it was impossible. This is the second time in the last few weeks I had tried to pace with faster runners.
I am a slow runner. I keep to myself and just try to keep on going. Sometimes I can lost in incredible thought, others my mind is blank, and I get to grasp true existence. Its not as easy as it sounds anymore. The television, my phone, the internet... Everything combusted directly into your mind to alleviate any thoughts you may have to enjoy a moment to yourself.
I finished suttree a few weeks ago and was floored. Its funny that I wrote on here that I thought it wasn't as good as some of cormac's later stuff: wrong. Just as good. The language was different, but it was there. The story was epic.
I got about 50 pages or so left of Franzen's latest page turner, then I plan on reading a tesla bio.
I may...MAY, mind you, try to read infinite jest after xmas. Who knows?
I want to get into a creative mindset hard. But I will chalk up the last few months to growing pains within a new job.
I still have my guitar,
and I still have my mind.
Its the soul I will try to uncover.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Sunday with my breakfast. Its cool enough outside now. I may go for a short walk after my coffee. I am reading Suttree by Cormac McCarthy. His language is just as poetic in the first twenty pages or so that I have read as in his Border Trilogy. Maybe a little too much. As if he has always had that gift, but in 1979 when Suttree was written, he has not yet figured out how to pare back. Not that its bad, just some ass hole writing an observation.
Obsessively listening to new Deerhunter. I really wish I still played music when I listen to this band. Makes me think about what I have done and all I have not. That is ok.
May run today.
Obsessively listening to new Deerhunter. I really wish I still played music when I listen to this band. Makes me think about what I have done and all I have not. That is ok.
May run today.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Watching LSU football with Lauren. I think I want to start writing on here some more. I have a few ideas as far as creativity goes. Me and L painted some pictures last weekend, that was fun. I haven't picked up a guitar just yet, but I have listened to music. I am back to thinking about investing in some music making software. it is too easy now to trade pieces of sound with your friends. Easy to say, yes. Not so to get off my ass and do.
My job is a challenge, one which I relinquish( I would like to add here that a day removed from this blog I decided to actually check out the definition for the word "relinquish." It is only now that my sad ass realizes it means "To let go." I meant...embrace). There has been anxiety, but I feel like that is my learning curve. Keeping everything together. I have ideas for my library. I have planned some programming, but I need to keep this up. Part of me feels like I started too early, like I need to hold some ideas back. I am still learning the ins and outs of running a library. Things that should eventually take second nature: Scheduling, staying on top of policy, etc...
Some days I feel I have in 100%, other days, there is an uncertainty. But again, the challenge. I enjoy it. I may possibly start book club, wondering if I want to invest the time to read.
Currently reading some easy non fiction. Finished a great book called Tinker by Paul Harding. An old man is dying, and his the last few days of his life, his mind races through thoughts of his past, and that of is father and his father. His memories weave with theirs and is in an organic way, going from first to third person.
I want to read Jonothan Franzen's new book, but so do several of my patrons! That makes me happy, I want to get more books that these patrons like, build up a literary culture. I should put together a small survey for those that read modern literature, build a collection. Luckily we have a good collection development librarian, and our collection is sound. I think I may someday want to work as a liaison with different departments in an academic library. But I do enjoy working with the public.
So many aspects of this job I can improve on!
Running some, whatever, couple times a week. Rode my bike around campus tonight, listening to drunks yell and scream. It was scary really, there around state street where the meth heads dress like the frat boys. The look the same, but the light shows darkness within their faces. In like to get there 1000th beer. Spaces between their teeth. "Hey rider!" they yell. "Want a beer?" But are they talking to me, or each other? The invitation is false. Its for your lunch money in your pocket, you bike, you teeth and blood.
There were rumors of a group of meth heads down here who would think nothing of sticking a knife in your arm, and sucking its blood like vampires. My first year here they found two girls from Theta Alpha dead behind the Tiger Den Apartments. Their bodies looked like they were drained and stuffed with formaldehyde. They said there were no restraint marks on the girls, no abrasions. Just two small holes. This rumor came and was thrust into darkness two months later when LSU won the national championship game.
My job is a challenge, one which I relinquish( I would like to add here that a day removed from this blog I decided to actually check out the definition for the word "relinquish." It is only now that my sad ass realizes it means "To let go." I meant...embrace). There has been anxiety, but I feel like that is my learning curve. Keeping everything together. I have ideas for my library. I have planned some programming, but I need to keep this up. Part of me feels like I started too early, like I need to hold some ideas back. I am still learning the ins and outs of running a library. Things that should eventually take second nature: Scheduling, staying on top of policy, etc...
Some days I feel I have in 100%, other days, there is an uncertainty. But again, the challenge. I enjoy it. I may possibly start book club, wondering if I want to invest the time to read.
Currently reading some easy non fiction. Finished a great book called Tinker by Paul Harding. An old man is dying, and his the last few days of his life, his mind races through thoughts of his past, and that of is father and his father. His memories weave with theirs and is in an organic way, going from first to third person.
I want to read Jonothan Franzen's new book, but so do several of my patrons! That makes me happy, I want to get more books that these patrons like, build up a literary culture. I should put together a small survey for those that read modern literature, build a collection. Luckily we have a good collection development librarian, and our collection is sound. I think I may someday want to work as a liaison with different departments in an academic library. But I do enjoy working with the public.
So many aspects of this job I can improve on!
Running some, whatever, couple times a week. Rode my bike around campus tonight, listening to drunks yell and scream. It was scary really, there around state street where the meth heads dress like the frat boys. The look the same, but the light shows darkness within their faces. In like to get there 1000th beer. Spaces between their teeth. "Hey rider!" they yell. "Want a beer?" But are they talking to me, or each other? The invitation is false. Its for your lunch money in your pocket, you bike, you teeth and blood.
There were rumors of a group of meth heads down here who would think nothing of sticking a knife in your arm, and sucking its blood like vampires. My first year here they found two girls from Theta Alpha dead behind the Tiger Den Apartments. Their bodies looked like they were drained and stuffed with formaldehyde. They said there were no restraint marks on the girls, no abrasions. Just two small holes. This rumor came and was thrust into darkness two months later when LSU won the national championship game.
WE stood for about 15 minutes staring out at the sea. It was February, and the air had a clean feeling. Though only about 60 degrees, the wind kept a nice chill to the air. Some surfers braved the much colder water in wetsuits, trying to catch something of the winter waves.
I used an old camera of my dad's to try to make the afternoon more memorable; it wasn't needed. My amateur photography was shakey, but it was fun getting you to pose with the ocean behind you. It was fun playing with the aperture, and the focus. It was fun walking around holding hands.
We ordered a can of beer from a concession stand and paid the two dollars to walk along the boardwalk. The obvious feeling of infinity, staring out among the sea. I had a small notebook and scrabbled out this nonesence, more proof of my lack of growth as a writer of any kind:
Can this be exactly what I had planned all along
Had I somehow known exactly what I was doing,
Amidst all that turmoil in my mind? Fake catastrophes, moments holding on to dear life, the bottom of the floor, staring at the cheap tan carpet.
I moved alone after all. I took some risk, for myself anyway...
and it looks like its panning out.
This final embark,
from nothing to the end of the earth
I used an old camera of my dad's to try to make the afternoon more memorable; it wasn't needed. My amateur photography was shakey, but it was fun getting you to pose with the ocean behind you. It was fun playing with the aperture, and the focus. It was fun walking around holding hands.
We ordered a can of beer from a concession stand and paid the two dollars to walk along the boardwalk. The obvious feeling of infinity, staring out among the sea. I had a small notebook and scrabbled out this nonesence, more proof of my lack of growth as a writer of any kind:
Can this be exactly what I had planned all along
Had I somehow known exactly what I was doing,
Amidst all that turmoil in my mind? Fake catastrophes, moments holding on to dear life, the bottom of the floor, staring at the cheap tan carpet.
I moved alone after all. I took some risk, for myself anyway...
and it looks like its panning out.
This final embark,
from nothing to the end of the earth
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Forever ago in this very same heat,
I packed up everything I had and headed south.
I stuffed envelopes full of my dreams and buried them in my yard.
I cut off my beard, and put it with my buried envelopes.
I arrived at my destination just fine,
only two days later did I cry so much it hurt.
Those envelopes under the ground at my parents house,
Deep below my father's garden.
They sit idle.
I packed up everything I had and headed south.
I stuffed envelopes full of my dreams and buried them in my yard.
I cut off my beard, and put it with my buried envelopes.
I arrived at my destination just fine,
only two days later did I cry so much it hurt.
Those envelopes under the ground at my parents house,
Deep below my father's garden.
They sit idle.
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