11/7/12: 4.5 miles
11/10/12: intervals/ 2.5 miles
11/11/12:
I drove the two miles to my old haunt the university lakes for not even a 2 mile run. I just needed to get outside. It was warm but breezy. The cormorants that make their yearly trek to Baton Rouge were there sunning on the old trees that grow out of the lake. Several years ago I spotted a Spoon Bill Roseate there. It was high up in a tree surrounded by the nesting sea birds. A woman walking her dog also noticed the bird. "It is good luck to see them," she said, noticing me looking at it.
The run let me relive the first couple of years that I lived here in Baton Rouge. The beginning of running, biking around on off days; seemed every day was an off day. I would often stop what I was doing and think about enjoying that moment. Things I still try and concentrate on. Those thoughts are 5 years old. Time just keeps rolling.

First of all let me say that I certainly had something else in mind when I said "long run," or "big run" or however I quoted it yesterday. I had planned on a 5 or 6 mile run today. However, on waking, other things came about. For one, L and I had to put the house together for a visit from family. I say L and I, but the bulk of this, obviously was my beautiful wife.
Second, I was just feeling hungry and hallow this morning. I did not foresee myself going more than 3 or 4 miles. So, what happened was I put out a very respectable 3.5. Stretches of it were so gloriously empty minded that I had to stop and remember where I actually ran while recording my run. This is supposed to reap benefits in some dharma club the likes I which I am not fully in understanding of just yet.
We will be eating later today copious amounts of food with in laws. Now I am so hungry I can only imagine what glutinous hours await me!
final note: I am reading Faulkner's first novel "Soldier's Pay." I am seeing a lot of early Cormac McCarthy in this book. The last Faulkner I read was the big one about the Compson Family (side note: I was in a band with a song called Compson Eulogy that I was relatively clueless as to its note of origin). Anyway, at that point Faulkner was so fine tuned in his art that it is really impossible to see likenesses among other writers. But the range of prose in this early work...you can see young Cormac plucking it up and being greatly influenced.

3.7 miles yesterday. I have been recording some on paper to keep the stress of deadlines. No matter how unreal one is, I find a way to avoid it. I think that is part of it: discipline. The run was fine; it was uneventful. I had started trying to type something up about Belize but I can't seem to finish it. It is still there and I may try to complete it. Last night was an up late kind of evening. Been a while since I pulled into one of those. Not to shabby. Wait a minute: Christmas commercial. Check the date there: Nov. 3rd. Sheesh. It has been pretty warm today but nice. Typical Baton Rouge weather I suppose. I spoke to a gentleman today while waiting on a food order about football books. Such a joy it is for me to place money on football. I can not really explain why. It has nothing really to do with the amount of money, just as long as something is on the line... Planning a long run tomorrow. I think it will be safe to judge the success of it on whether or not anything is written on here by tomorrow evening. I hope that the Titans can pull out a win against the bears tomorrow.

It came from within,
a bursting joy.
at last a night,
A winter star.

Swinging...trying

I ran a little under 3 miles yesterday. A good run. The day before that a small 6 mile bike ride. The sunday before that: around 2. The week before that was spent in Belize. I have had a little more than a difficult time getting back into the swing of things with this and everything else since the trip. In short: it was one of the best weeks of my life. I will try to write more on it this weekend.

Placencia, Belize

I have had greater luck lately at having an empty mind during my runs. I had a brilliant three and a half yesterday. The air was clear and hanging in the lower 80s. I timed my run so the sun was low and had no problems with heat. Tomorrow at this time I will be en route to Belize for 7 straight days of lounging on a beach, discovering ancient ruins, rolling through the ocean, and being completely internet and phone free. How will I react to that? How will my mind handle the stillness? I am eager to see. I believe there is a room where I can go and get some access. I may go and post a picture of two, I hope not, but I know how strong the draw of addiction is. I finished White Noise two days ago and now face three books that I can't decide to bring on my trip. I am thinking of bringing all three:

The Sisters Brothers by Patrick De Witt
The Father of All Things, by Tom Bissell
Ratner's Star, by Dellilo

I have somewhat started Ratner's star alreay but I am not sure yet that I want to commit. It is an earlier Delillo and has traces of Sci Fi. Also, the book is older and has a 1980's feel to its paper and weight. My mind sometimes gravitates towards shinier books, both of which the Dewitt and the Bissell book lean towards. I have read other of Bissell's non-fiction and consider myself a fan.

Finally, I am bring goggles and a pair of vibrams for my trip to Belize. My work outs will consist of running the beach, swimming in the pool, and possibly meditation. This sounds sorta hokey and such but I don't mind being somewhat honest on a blog turned running journal that no one reads. To catch the sunrise is a must. That and tropical drinkies.

Rehling

Two quick miles through autumn streets, slight wind blowing. I can't say enough how wonderful this weather is. It reminds me of first moving here, lounging near the lakes, doing nothing. Push ups and pull ups. Good day.

He didn't believe him. "No way. Every time you read it?" "Yea, every time. It is really strong." The sunlight was the middle of the day, a Saturday. Hid Dad's wool plaid sweater looked comfortable. Just years ago, his Dad would still put it around him to warm him. It was always impossibly warm, and smelled of wood smoke. "So anyway, we have to read it for class." He flipped through the pages, the light spilling through the dusty kitchen; a golden ladder with tawny rungs.

"Half a league, half a league
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred."

His dad walked to the sink and placed his hands down on the aluminum walls of it; he stared out into the street. A young kid was wrapping toilet paper around a red bundle of caps. A blue jay landed on the feeder sicking out of the fern garden. Into the valley of death rode the six hundred.

The weather was cooler by the end of my run; probably in the 50s. I stopped briefly with traffic and once to stretch, but the majority of the 4.6 miler was defined by clear thoughts, pumping lungs, and breathing. One of the best runs I have had in a while. The weather was cool. You could almost picture wearing more clothing if it was just 10 degrees cooler; one decimal place. I rounded the south side of the smaller University lakes and started by run back home: up Lakeshore drive, back into the garden district, past Acadian, and into Capital Heights. I didn't really think about much or do too much reflection; it was a pure run. In 5 days I will be with my wife in Central America. I hope for warm sun and perfect sunrises.

not the past

Two my right: five large glass windows facing north. I was called into work today after half my my Saturday shift came up with a case of the heaving what nots. I stalled and grabbed myself a smoothie and some lunch. I see the lawn stretching 100 yards to the north of that front facing walls: my library. In front of me is the kids section. Down the west facing cooridor is the adult fiction section. I had a quick beautiful run this morning before I knew any of this. What a lesson this is. My run, clipped through beautiful Southern Louisana weather was, as often times is, cut into with thoughts of my day and my future; interspersed with my path. Almost none of my run was focused on the present, except when I had to consciously fight to make it so. And now here I am at work. Instead of seeing the old oak trees rising out of the lawns of the upper class, or feeling the cool wind brushing against my skin, I thought of the clothes I would fold and what I would make for dinner. I had forgotten "White Noise," the Delillo book I am about half way through. A very good read. I think I am bring one of his older books as well as possibly a volman and a bissell(if it comes in time) book with my to Belize. I can only hope that my time there is fully immersed in the present. not the future

Felt like I tweaked my legs yesterday on just under 3 miles. The streets felt extraordinarily hard. Didn't think much of it until this morning. As I write this my right knee feels weird. I am hoping its nothing. I did make the mistake of wearing the least supportive of my shoes today so i will need to spend less time on my feet as usual. The weather this last week has been great. It started with glimpses of an autumn we certainly never seemed to have last year. It sill get a little warmer today and tomorrow but by Sunday there is talks of cooler weather. I am already formulating plans of brush burning and titans games on the phone turned radio. It is a shame that I focus so much on the weekend, but as much as I love my job it is impossible for me to have the kind of enthusiasm for it that a day in my backyard raking leaves, burning leaves, cleaning gutters and throwsing sticks for walter gives me. I suppose the real trick is to create the same amount of pleasure in all things but who can do that? To be truthful though I am happy with my current job and sometimes I don't mind at all going in. I find Mondays to be completely ok. It is Tuesday and Wednesday that are the real drags for me. These blogs are meaningless.

three and a half miler

I was on my second mile; Ramsey heads southward and elbows into South Ramsey. I was following the tarred lines through the streets, temporary patches to the cracking and splitting of old roads. My mind was happily thoughtless. I picked up in the middle of a small hill. A good run after trudging through several bad ones. It is the bad runs perhaps that make this particular run so good. I try to stay positive on crappy runs; I usually reflect that just being outside on the pavement is all that really matters. The last run (yesterday) was on a couple of beers and a failed Titans win. I decided not to even record it; it was really not much more than a glorified walk.

September 28

I like to temper my failings as an athelete with really slow three and a half mile runs. I often wonder would my running would have been like if I had decided it was important when I was 18. Who knows how my gangly body would have responded? But it basically took me until around 26 to realize I needed exercise for my sanity as much as for my body. Since I did the 100 yard sprints last sunday by body has been tired. This whole week I have been caught in a general malaise. Yesterday around 11:00 I could not quite tell if I was getting sick or if I just needed sleep. I ran anyway yesterday and for the most part it was ok. I stopped and walked a couple of times. When I came in my wife asked if I was sick. But it was a run. One thing I am enjoying with this running journal is I can look back and see how much I am running. It averages out to twice a week for the month of September. I would like to do more than that for the next month. Though I will be in Belize during the middle of the month so I don't really expect to run then. Let's watch.

Change still is

I ran about two and a half miles today. My legs are still a little tired from the sprints I did Sunday; I think that is cool. I have been using semicolons more lately. Tomorrow I am going to spend some time making sure I am doing it correctly. Form what I understand it basically takes the place of a conjunction: and. Did I just use a colon right? We switched from gmail to Microsoft365 for my work email today. Of course I spend several moments throughout the day mentally pulling my hair out, wondering where in the sam hell is my calendar? Change happens. Eventually we will get it sorted out and I will have my calendar back. It is hard to think about things like that in the moment. (I told you a few blogs back I was trying this whole zen bullshit) During my short run I did spend a good section trying to just notice my breathing and being aware of it. I think maybe for 15 yards I reached a calm mind. After this normal thoughts flooded in. I really did try to be aware of these thoughts and then let them pass though. Very difficult for me. Ok. Blogged this run.

10 mile bike/ 100 yard dashes/ titans victory

Rode a nice bike trail with my parents Saturday. Moments like these you cherish. Gorgeous weather. Glides down small hill, laughter from Mom as Dad and I ride without hands. Shade spilling down between bursts of warm sunlight. We stopped by a little opening in a creek where turles were sunning themselves. I took a couple of pics of my parents; my dad making his silly faces. They then posed seriously. Really cute stuff. Took a couple of picture of myself with them. It was good fun all around. Time with them can take a time travel jump sometimes. We had to pile into Dad's truck, mom in the middle. I roll my eyes at Dad's stories. Mom laughts: we all do. This could have bene 1991, this could have been 1999. Wind sprints and one miler today. Back to running when i get back i to town.

2.6

Discipline. How hard it is just to keep up a little journal talking about my running. I ran a light and easy around my neighborhood. Could have easily gone further. My mind was empty. Will recommend the bob marley documentary on netflix.

The University Lakes figured prominently into the first 3 years that I have lived in Baton Rouge. I cut my running teeth on Lakeshore drive. At first just running half miles down it and turning back. I biked the smaller of the two lakes first, trying to get confidence to eventually run the three mile loop; this eventually became my home track. Lauren and I would walk from my tiny apartment on July street to the beach of the lake, bringing with us sacks of old heels of bread. Lauren would laugh as the geese came running at us. "I touched one!" she proclaimed as a silly bird wandered close to her outstretched hand. When we moved to Ovid Street, I still ran the lakes, this time more regularly and with better efficiency. Yesterday I ventured back to them on a nice 5.6 mile run. It had been a few weeks since I ran there and I still don't go with the frequency that I used to. The water was glass with the late sunset bouncing off of it with pinks and burnt oranges. I was about 20 minutes to late to get the full show. Under the bridge that I have biked and ran to so many time I saw a perfect inversion of the bottom in the darkening mirror. By the halfway point of my run it was dark. I played with running mantras ( breathe and light) but mostly just let my mind wander. I could just make out the top of tiger stadium's lights. If I had my glasses one I could have seen the top tier filled with people. When I lived nearer I could actually hear the roar of the crowd.

2.5

Only is the sake of staying consistent to I update to recall my 2.5 mile run today. Neither fast nor necessarily important from a thought perspective, this run came on a whim. I had decided to run the following day (Friday), but after checking the weather I said to hell with it. I put no pressure on this run and came home when I was ready. In a sense it was an extra run. I will still run tomorrow. Thoughts had during run in no particular order: 1. David Foster Wallace 2. My career as a librarian 3. Living in Baton Rouge 4. If I lived in Memphis 5. My wife, Lauren 6. DFW's writing style 7. The different between myself or any ordinary person, and a person of genius 8. My breathing 9. The different feeling between being in the shade and being in the sun (ideally, to run during the day, a person wakes early and gets out before the sun is striking down. Though it is certainly cooler right now than it has been all summer, I think it would be a mistake to go out in the middle of the day. I ran around 9:30. The temperature was around 80, and in the sun you could feel the rays begging you to give up on everything and lie still in cool grass. In the shade, you could feel whispers of cooler climates. The breeze was nice.) 10. There goes another runner! 11. There goes a biker! 12. 2 runners... 13. Another biker. One last note: I can honestly say that I am probably not that much a better runner than I was 5 years ago. But I do believe that if you stay at running, or biking, or anything with in sense of regularity, it takes on something new and becomes a part of you... That last part is bullshit.

Cooler evenings

I ran 3.5 miles tonight and practically none of my thoughts were on the run: none on breathing; none of my footwork; no mantras. I was basically going through my job and my career the entire run. Thinking about where I have lived, where I have come from, where I am going. The interesting thing about runs is the free flowing thoughts that can happen. Some runs are entirely a struggle. You are fighting your mind to keep going. You are fighting your breathing, your legs. Then there are runs where you aren't even in the run. You are somewhere else completely. I can tell you a route I run were several months ago the bells were chiming the 6 O'clock hour, and how I thought about poetry and weather and how good it always feels to hear church bells. I couldn't tell you much about this run. I went out and I came home. I would have liked to run 4 miles, but as with most runs I just pick random ways to go and then map them when I get back. I used to use Mapmyrun.com. After warning me for years to join then finally made it impossible to use without joining. Big problem there: I immediately starting using a site called Runningmap.com. Practically the same website, only instead of making you click through several pages saying "No, I don't want to join. Yes, I am sure. Yes." You just go straight to it and start plugging your run away. And, the cookies always save my address. I would like to get one of those bracelets that track your mileage. My only problem is when I know how slow I am going, or how (not) far, I tend to have bad runs. The weather is like this: highs of upper 80s. This is an enormous improvement to over the summer. I won't sit and pretend it won't get warm again, but I will enjoy it now. In the present.

Thoughts on running

I am going to start collecting thoughts on my running and thoughts had while running here. I am in the middle of a thought clearing mindset and I can find no better place to have those moments than while running. Yesterday I ran a quick two miles. My mileage has been increasing in the last month or so and my running has been feeling quicker and better. This is an up and down thing and could really mean nothing. After 5 years of running I have never really gotten THAT much faster and that much further. Lately,however, I find that I can go somewhat faster and have slowly been increasing my mileage. Regardless, I find that running is the one place where I can be somewhat meditative. I have an extremely difficult time keeping my thoughts still and in order. Over the weekend I started reading this blog (having a hard time posting link. it is zenhabits.net) Though I can easily call bullshit on a lot of the stuff written here, I can also take a moment and realize I call bullshit on everything and anything. I have a negative attitude on everything. This is not healthy. So, I am going to run. I am going to focus on breathing through out my days and I am really going to focus on making running a priority not just for my health but for my mind. So, yesterday's run. I know I was filled with anxiety most of yesterday. There are several dependencies I am trying to break and I believe that that is the cause for the late sleeplessness and anxiety felt yesterday. So throughout my run I focused on my breathing and that is all. I tried to visualize my self running through a path and that my thoughts were laid out on that path and I was running through them. Bad thoughts, good thoughts. I attempted to let them come and go through my head as the came...and then went. This sounds hokey but I am really trying here. So, look for more zen type bullshit to come. Really gonna try to keep this current.

crazy dream

A heavy rain kept my wife and my dog and myself in bed longer than I wanted to stay this morning, The comfort was something you can't buy in a gas station or on a shady street. On waking I put the necessary straps onto Walter and headed into to the weathered streets. I was worried about the long grass getting his under carriage wet, but I knew I could towel him off. At the street corner one house over I noticed the small "Garage Sale" sign posted to the light pole. The rain was still pounding the window pains when I was confronted by my closest friends: it was time for us to go down deep into the earth to regain control of our home. I stayed back with Lauren at first. What are they getting themselves into? I woke Lauren who like me seemed drugged. "We got to go," I said. She was quite but got up and followed me. I could see the last of my friends so I called out to them to wake up. We crossed the threshold into a dark basement, light flickered from flaming torches hung along the wall. We started our track down. What we entered was a kind of desolate farm. I was unclear what our mission was. Something involving sheep and the devil. Apparently this was some kind of home both the devil and the old Garden of Eden. Demons were crossing fields a half mile away amongst overgrown woods. I could see tigers battling lit figures. In a barn some of my friends were already there, cutting loose the sheep. These somehow represented peace up above us. Somehow alerted we ran from the barn having rescued the last of the sheep and made our way into an old farm house. Up the stairs we went. Out the window we could see heroes of old, in armor fighting but losing too different forces of evil. They were entering the house. All we could do was wait. I meditated on my end. I put my arm around Lauren to protect here and picked up an old chair. It was then I noticed my tiny pocket knife. Not the largest but only recently sharpened to a razor's edge. The first of these menacing creatures popped its head around the old door jam. A tiger's head, followed by an archer. He fired an arrow at us. I lifted the old chair I had and its arrow headed thwacked into the seat of the chair. Lauren was behind me. I ran up to the edge of the door. There was a small foyer before it opened into the room. My cousin was still by the window. I had my knife out. I would look at him to see how far into the room they were. For some reason they were cautious. I waited. As soon as he gave me the signal I drove my small knife blindly with all my force around the corner. Catching the archer in the eye. I pulled it out quickly and made short work of his neck, pulling it across fast and as deep as possible. He fell to the floor. I turned back around the corner and waited for more. I looked at my wife. She was cowered in fear.

Noonish in March.

Always tending to circle the weekend on my calendars. Will it rain? Will I be inside scratching my stomach? Been biking a lot. Easing back into running a lot. Changes abound.
Last night I had a long dream that changed from memories to dreams and back. A seamless interchange that I was completely unaware of:

Walking slowing down Westmoreland Dr. The church bells ringing. I love the sound of church bells; right away I feel at ease. I run down this street regularly, so it is impossible to tell if this is a dream or a distant memory. From there I turn west towards Acadian. The hycynths are blooming all over the place. People are stepping out of their homes to look at the sky. The color of wine is spilling behind the clouds. I remember an article I read that talked about the book of Revelations.
I am now sitting on my porch, drinking bourbon with a good friend. He has just played his songs to me, so i oblige with one or two of the songs i can play without fumbling too hard through the lyrics.
"You know, there is a place up ahead where the songs sounds..." His voice trails off. We knock back our glass and stair at the trees for a little while. My small jumps at a bumble bee and we laugh at friends.