September 28

I like to temper my failings as an athelete with really slow three and a half mile runs. I often wonder would my running would have been like if I had decided it was important when I was 18. Who knows how my gangly body would have responded? But it basically took me until around 26 to realize I needed exercise for my sanity as much as for my body. Since I did the 100 yard sprints last sunday by body has been tired. This whole week I have been caught in a general malaise. Yesterday around 11:00 I could not quite tell if I was getting sick or if I just needed sleep. I ran anyway yesterday and for the most part it was ok. I stopped and walked a couple of times. When I came in my wife asked if I was sick. But it was a run. One thing I am enjoying with this running journal is I can look back and see how much I am running. It averages out to twice a week for the month of September. I would like to do more than that for the next month. Though I will be in Belize during the middle of the month so I don't really expect to run then. Let's watch.

Change still is

I ran about two and a half miles today. My legs are still a little tired from the sprints I did Sunday; I think that is cool. I have been using semicolons more lately. Tomorrow I am going to spend some time making sure I am doing it correctly. Form what I understand it basically takes the place of a conjunction: and. Did I just use a colon right? We switched from gmail to Microsoft365 for my work email today. Of course I spend several moments throughout the day mentally pulling my hair out, wondering where in the sam hell is my calendar? Change happens. Eventually we will get it sorted out and I will have my calendar back. It is hard to think about things like that in the moment. (I told you a few blogs back I was trying this whole zen bullshit) During my short run I did spend a good section trying to just notice my breathing and being aware of it. I think maybe for 15 yards I reached a calm mind. After this normal thoughts flooded in. I really did try to be aware of these thoughts and then let them pass though. Very difficult for me. Ok. Blogged this run.

10 mile bike/ 100 yard dashes/ titans victory

Rode a nice bike trail with my parents Saturday. Moments like these you cherish. Gorgeous weather. Glides down small hill, laughter from Mom as Dad and I ride without hands. Shade spilling down between bursts of warm sunlight. We stopped by a little opening in a creek where turles were sunning themselves. I took a couple of pics of my parents; my dad making his silly faces. They then posed seriously. Really cute stuff. Took a couple of picture of myself with them. It was good fun all around. Time with them can take a time travel jump sometimes. We had to pile into Dad's truck, mom in the middle. I roll my eyes at Dad's stories. Mom laughts: we all do. This could have bene 1991, this could have been 1999. Wind sprints and one miler today. Back to running when i get back i to town.

2.6

Discipline. How hard it is just to keep up a little journal talking about my running. I ran a light and easy around my neighborhood. Could have easily gone further. My mind was empty. Will recommend the bob marley documentary on netflix.

The University Lakes figured prominently into the first 3 years that I have lived in Baton Rouge. I cut my running teeth on Lakeshore drive. At first just running half miles down it and turning back. I biked the smaller of the two lakes first, trying to get confidence to eventually run the three mile loop; this eventually became my home track. Lauren and I would walk from my tiny apartment on July street to the beach of the lake, bringing with us sacks of old heels of bread. Lauren would laugh as the geese came running at us. "I touched one!" she proclaimed as a silly bird wandered close to her outstretched hand. When we moved to Ovid Street, I still ran the lakes, this time more regularly and with better efficiency. Yesterday I ventured back to them on a nice 5.6 mile run. It had been a few weeks since I ran there and I still don't go with the frequency that I used to. The water was glass with the late sunset bouncing off of it with pinks and burnt oranges. I was about 20 minutes to late to get the full show. Under the bridge that I have biked and ran to so many time I saw a perfect inversion of the bottom in the darkening mirror. By the halfway point of my run it was dark. I played with running mantras ( breathe and light) but mostly just let my mind wander. I could just make out the top of tiger stadium's lights. If I had my glasses one I could have seen the top tier filled with people. When I lived nearer I could actually hear the roar of the crowd.

2.5

Only is the sake of staying consistent to I update to recall my 2.5 mile run today. Neither fast nor necessarily important from a thought perspective, this run came on a whim. I had decided to run the following day (Friday), but after checking the weather I said to hell with it. I put no pressure on this run and came home when I was ready. In a sense it was an extra run. I will still run tomorrow. Thoughts had during run in no particular order: 1. David Foster Wallace 2. My career as a librarian 3. Living in Baton Rouge 4. If I lived in Memphis 5. My wife, Lauren 6. DFW's writing style 7. The different between myself or any ordinary person, and a person of genius 8. My breathing 9. The different feeling between being in the shade and being in the sun (ideally, to run during the day, a person wakes early and gets out before the sun is striking down. Though it is certainly cooler right now than it has been all summer, I think it would be a mistake to go out in the middle of the day. I ran around 9:30. The temperature was around 80, and in the sun you could feel the rays begging you to give up on everything and lie still in cool grass. In the shade, you could feel whispers of cooler climates. The breeze was nice.) 10. There goes another runner! 11. There goes a biker! 12. 2 runners... 13. Another biker. One last note: I can honestly say that I am probably not that much a better runner than I was 5 years ago. But I do believe that if you stay at running, or biking, or anything with in sense of regularity, it takes on something new and becomes a part of you... That last part is bullshit.

Cooler evenings

I ran 3.5 miles tonight and practically none of my thoughts were on the run: none on breathing; none of my footwork; no mantras. I was basically going through my job and my career the entire run. Thinking about where I have lived, where I have come from, where I am going. The interesting thing about runs is the free flowing thoughts that can happen. Some runs are entirely a struggle. You are fighting your mind to keep going. You are fighting your breathing, your legs. Then there are runs where you aren't even in the run. You are somewhere else completely. I can tell you a route I run were several months ago the bells were chiming the 6 O'clock hour, and how I thought about poetry and weather and how good it always feels to hear church bells. I couldn't tell you much about this run. I went out and I came home. I would have liked to run 4 miles, but as with most runs I just pick random ways to go and then map them when I get back. I used to use Mapmyrun.com. After warning me for years to join then finally made it impossible to use without joining. Big problem there: I immediately starting using a site called Runningmap.com. Practically the same website, only instead of making you click through several pages saying "No, I don't want to join. Yes, I am sure. Yes." You just go straight to it and start plugging your run away. And, the cookies always save my address. I would like to get one of those bracelets that track your mileage. My only problem is when I know how slow I am going, or how (not) far, I tend to have bad runs. The weather is like this: highs of upper 80s. This is an enormous improvement to over the summer. I won't sit and pretend it won't get warm again, but I will enjoy it now. In the present.

Thoughts on running

I am going to start collecting thoughts on my running and thoughts had while running here. I am in the middle of a thought clearing mindset and I can find no better place to have those moments than while running. Yesterday I ran a quick two miles. My mileage has been increasing in the last month or so and my running has been feeling quicker and better. This is an up and down thing and could really mean nothing. After 5 years of running I have never really gotten THAT much faster and that much further. Lately,however, I find that I can go somewhat faster and have slowly been increasing my mileage. Regardless, I find that running is the one place where I can be somewhat meditative. I have an extremely difficult time keeping my thoughts still and in order. Over the weekend I started reading this blog (having a hard time posting link. it is zenhabits.net) Though I can easily call bullshit on a lot of the stuff written here, I can also take a moment and realize I call bullshit on everything and anything. I have a negative attitude on everything. This is not healthy. So, I am going to run. I am going to focus on breathing through out my days and I am really going to focus on making running a priority not just for my health but for my mind. So, yesterday's run. I know I was filled with anxiety most of yesterday. There are several dependencies I am trying to break and I believe that that is the cause for the late sleeplessness and anxiety felt yesterday. So throughout my run I focused on my breathing and that is all. I tried to visualize my self running through a path and that my thoughts were laid out on that path and I was running through them. Bad thoughts, good thoughts. I attempted to let them come and go through my head as the came...and then went. This sounds hokey but I am really trying here. So, look for more zen type bullshit to come. Really gonna try to keep this current.