I keep buying more shit like its going to save me, like its going to make everything better. I have ticked off countless lists with little penciled in check marks.
And yet, truly, I want nothing more than a complete simplification of my life. I want a wooden room with a small bed in the corner, a simple desk....But right there: "want." What is that? Why is there always a want? What inside my head forces me to keep wanting anything. Why is there no satisfaction?
I would like a mountain, with a cabin, with a... but why not? Why not strive for something that I feel can make me happy? Maybe there is a connection to simple things, a beautiful stream filled with fish. Dark night full of stars. Maybe I don't need to live by factories, and power lines.
Or maybe I should just keep on. Trying to form more lines, connect more dots.
I need to read more. I want my brain bigger, but I don't know how. My focus is so all over the place. I am trying to get really into running. In the past I tried to get into music.
Music has taken one stop back, again and again. I know its there. I know it can return.
Listen:
I want to run next to lake, and thankfully here I can do that. That is something I have, that is a goal accomplished. I also want to see a mountain out of my window, or at the least on my drive. That is something I am working for.
Another goal of mine is to be within biking distance from work....Goals friends.
I wish I could type something on here that was readable.
I think i falling.